Overly Romantic?

Okay, I have a tiny problem regarding myself. What is that supposed to mean? Hmm let’s see, I like reading romance novels since my mom told me I should read a lot more things rather than just being a sitting pretty duck or whatsoever. I did start reading Reader’s Digest when I was about thirteen years old and along with that came the urge to write something that has my mind in a frenzy because this idea just can’t get out of my head. (I think my writing phase started when I was eleven or twelve, but I just really realized I like writing at thirteen. Go figure.)

Then my best friend introduced me into reading Filipino/Tagalog romance pocketbooks. I got addicted to it (mostly romance-comedy) and one thing led to another when I turned fifteen years old I had read some sexy pocketbooks that doesn’t, at times, makes sense to me. I think from then on, I became a what you call a hopeless romantic. I view every guy as my “the one” and when I know them truly I kind of either put them on the friends only category, wanker (stay away) category and Boyfriend material. I think none of them suit my husband category, but with my “obsession” with Arashi’s acting leader and rapper Sakurai Sho, I think someone needs to be in his level for me to actually consider the guy in a forever kind of way.

I’m not as religious as I was before, but it was drilled to me that if I want a guy to be able to marry with, a good guy who wouldn’t even dare to hurt a single hair on my head, who would respect me, and provide for our family, a responsible guy, I should pray for that person to be given to me. I asked Him to maybe at least introduce him to me, hint that he’s the one I’ve been waiting for or a sign, something. I don’t want to get married soon, I’m just hitting my twenties this year, but I’d like to experience what others have.

I’m not really lacking in the love category but I there’s something missing. I don’t know what that is but yeah, I feel something missing inside me like a void or something. Intimacy? Well, if I try to be you know handsy with my mom (not like what you guys thinking, algae minds) hugging, cuddling, that sort of thing, I kind of get rebuffed or rejected. I feel rejected enough outside the place I call home, and there are times that my mom would shrug off the things I do for her, stings but I don’t let it show.

Then this guy comes, I met him online and I liked him because aside from being able to finish each others sentences off, he makes me feel good about myself. Sadly, that relationship ended four months after I caught him red handed about doing stuff with other girls. Through online.

I stayed out of the relationship scene for a year. Exactly a year. Before I consider some guys that were making themselves clear that they like me. Most of them comes from the internet sure, 9 out of 10 would be wankers (perverts) but there’s one out those that is not like that. Take this guy I’m talking to for almost three weeks now. 3 weeks straight, we have been talking a lot of things from the most mundane things, the things we both know, our likes and dislikes, to the most out of this world questions, basically knowing each other well.

He’s a great guy, a gentleman ,respects and treats a woman nicely, the non-positive comment that I could think about this guy is that he’s too far away. Well, if you consider Minnesota and Manila’s distance, I would probably say yes, its a heck too far. Its like he was the kind of guy I asked for in my prayers. But I’m not sure he’s on the same page. He keeps asking about the online relationship stuff, and I know he’s interested in something or maybe he’s just asking those out of curiosity if my logical side thinks so. Not sure.

But here I am, feeling conflicted and confused, befuddled, and scared for assuming there’s something that will be there that really isn’t there. If that made sense. If not, I’m just scared to get my heart broken for the second time. I think I’ve only loved someone for real was my first love and it broke me when it happened. (Don’t ask for details, its kind of humiliating) Am I being overly romanticizing things that shouldn’t be seen that way? Am I really that naive? Gullible? Should I worry about myself or just continue being like this?

I’m tired of not knowing what to do with myself or with my life anymore.

 

Would there be noise or music in our quiet neighborhood?

If I haven’t told you guys yet then I am telling you now. I love music. To the point where songs are blaring from my phone’s speakers on repeat for a hundred million times. I admit, I am a hopeless singer, some would even categorize me as a descent singer when my mood for singing strikes, and that is almost as soon as a familiar song I like comes out of the speakers.

So what is the deal? What is it about Rayne’s title?

Well, last Mother’s day, I received a ‘gift’ from a friend of mine (you could actually check it out on my other blog Randomism titled “Mother’s day surprise fail”) and since it was several notches up from what I expected, I decided to invest into some things that I can use for long periods of times. One of it is a Violin.

Still thinking my title for today is weird?

It is probably the most on the spot name for my impending self-taught musical instrument. I should probably enroll myself in a class but sheesh I need a job and a good paying one because violin lessons aren’t really cheap. But I guess, if you’re passionate enough about one thing then you will never give up trying to be the best in that area.

Oh goodness, I think I’m going to hurl. Too many hornets fluttering in my stomach.

Why am I posting this blog here? Good question, because at the young age of 10, my first ever musical instrument I’ve played is the electric keyboard which now sits untouched somewhere in this house. For years, I have wanted to play the instrument back for many times, Imagining my fingers poised over the keys, the sound of every note. Music is my other form of obsession, and so is this musical instrument that I’ve been dying to have for years! Now, why from being a Piano/Keyboard player turn to a Violin?

Easy, I like the sound of it. The instrument just gives off beautiful sounds and… i just love it.

So the title is a make or break deal in these coming weeks. I don’t know if I can play it here in our house and not be screamed at for playing off key two hundred dozens of times or do well like a natural born violinist. We shall see.

This package is wreaking havoc on my system, I think I’m going to hurl from the tension.

-Rayne

(Fever series 8) Feverborn by Karen Marie Moning

Fuck do I want a time machine…

 

What a starting line right? (laughs) Anyway, I was supposed to make the other fever series book reviews but I just can’t help myself anymore, I’m dying to tell everyone what I think of this book. This insanely particu-fucking-lar book.

 

(I think my PMS is talking dropping all of the f-bombs and whatnot)

 

Moning is the best author for Cliff-hangers. So, If you’re A-Okay with facing cliff-hanger books I suggest you read her works. She does it damned well. Feverborn is the continuation of Burned where the ending of the book is also a cliff-hanger. It was a pretty good thing that I read Burned only this January and the wait for Feverborn is only a couple of weeks left.

 

Reprieve is only so little because we Fever series addicts will go nuts when you read Feverborn. I already fucking am on the road to Loony Ville as of this moment when I read the last pages of the story. I freak-fucking yelled (and got yelled back by my mom cause she’s just right beside me when I finished reading the book) I couldn’t stand reading series because this is what they do to you. The waiting makes you go crazy insane. (redundant much but I don’t give a rat’s arse) and when you finally calmed down and the waiting is over you read and savour every word that book gives you… and hope at the end they wouldn’t bite you in the arse with another cliff-hanger.

 

What I’ve read about this book is that Dani/Jada comes back, Ryodan admits he fell in love, ZEWs has a name, (Zombie Eating Wraiths if you guys forgot.) They’re called the minions of the Sweeper. Someone came back from the dead, Allies with an Unseelie Prince, Cruce gathering minions, Black holes expanding, Drama here, Action there, Sexy times with Jericho Barrons and Pissing off a Hunter.

 

Edit: I fucking hate Barrons when he said Mac’s not his girlfriend. I want to yell for K’Vruck and he have the same fate as his son. God damn it Jericho Barrons, Make up your fucking mind. You love Mac or not? Just freaking leave her alone if not then, the others of the TEN can take up your responsibility.

 

This pretty much sums up what happened in the book. (Altho I like the bits where Jericho Barrons came up and mm-yeah I love that guy. Even though he’s an unidentifiable dickhead) I like to divulge the ending of the story so you guys would know what I’m rambling about and why I’m this angry… I’ll just leave you guys to it to figure it out on your own.

 

That’s enough spoilers if you ask me.

 

4.5 Rainbow ratings!

 

Surprisingly, for me It’s a high rating even when I’m grumbling about it right? well, Moning might be the Queen of Cliff-hangers but she did a bang up job for keeping the readers on the edge of their seats and wait in anticipation for the next book. Hopefully, Feversong is the last book or at least the book with the least percentage of angst coming from the readers (probably only me).

 

Edit: Moning you have to make up yer mind in making who’s prominent on this fever series’ front liners. Is it Jada and Ryo or Mac and Barrons? Although, I pine for Mac and Barrons, Ryodan and Jada needs room to bloom. Lor and Jo too. And is Kasteo and Kat will be a thing? if so make something for Sean O’Bannion or if they’re staying strong at least make Sean know she’s alive. Daku and Fade doesn’t really have much screen time but at least make them appear they’re there… and X she/he needs to be addressed. Ya know unlock everything before you slam all of the revelation in the reader’s lap? It should be gradually… But I’m thinking the next book will be the book of revelations. … I hope.

 

Now, let me go in my corner and cry a river…

-Rayne

Haunted by songs

The title is creepy, right? But this is only because I heard another song that made me go “Weird Memory” again.

I’ll make this short, I’ve been hearing Arashi’s song for the past years but not continuously like I was when I was a new fan of them, but from 2010 until present I am not that updated with Arashi, I’ve voiced out this concern for a few times already, but once you heard the song sometimes you undergo a what we call a “Last Song Syndrome” or LSS, I am that most of the time, so there are times that I play a certain song until it is embedded on my head and I can blurt out the lyrics unconsciously, know when the song pauses, down to every beat.

So, while I was listening to the “Boku no miteiru fukei” Album of Arashi and Ohno Satoshi’s song “Shizukana yoru ni” played, I was transported back to my memory and I was going to start freaking out again if I didn’t catch myself. Seriously, what is with this kind of memory? You’re relaxing one minute to their songs, the other you are freaking out because you heard a song that you’ve heard from before. Is this representing something?

There, that is the reason why I’ve entitled this post as that. It kind of feels like I am haunted by my own memories, but it’s not like I forgot Arashi altogether. I will never forget them, since 2008 until whenever, they’ll be forever be with me. Screw people who wants people to change because they don’t like how they live their lives.

I hope there’s no more surprising songs that will trigger my brain to freak out again, can’t afford freaking out again, there’s nothing in my head but that song if that happens..

-Rain

Fangirl Problems

If you think being a fangirl is easy, think again. It looks like an easy thing because of what you see as the product in those concerts, news, but that’s not the real struggle. Real struggles of a fangirl happens before the event, before they are seen by thousands–if not millions–of fans around the world.

Being a fan of Arashi for a long time, it’s been a frustrating treat for me. Why is that? Because Arashi lives a country away from me, because they speak in a language that I am not that very familiar, and being one of the “poor” fans, I simply watch their concerts, live appearances on TV, their game show, and a whole a lot more in either YouTube or somewhere else, with English subtitles so that I could understand what they are talking about.

Other frustrating things that comes to mind is that your bias is someone else’s bias! Since they are known in other parts of the world, of course other fan will likely to grab, let’s say for example, Matsumoto Jun other than you. It’s frustrating like that.

I’ll confess something too, I think I’m in love with the group’s rapper Sakurai Sho. But of course, another person will say that too. It’s a never ending competition, the only winner will be the person Sakurai Sho himself chose. Which will be heartbreaking for us who likes Sho. He’ll be ending the bachelorhood and we will only look at him from the stage and not think about his marital status anymore because he is off the shelf.

You might think, Sho Sakurai is years older than me. Yes, he is. Actually he is 14 years older than me. Sad right? If I could wait any longer for his kid to grow then I’ll settle for that but I must be years older than him too. Sometime you want to scream that this world is very unfair. Because it is unfair 😦

(What’s with the name change? Sho is a given name, Sakurai is the family name/last name. Japanese, Chinese and Korean’s use the family name first before the given name. I am only aware of those three countries I am not sure for the other countries)

Sho is a hilarious guy, he writes good rap songs/lyrics (and when you talk about rap, Sho is the guy that you need to hear rap. No one else. Other than him, it’s just crap. No offense people, it’s just my opinion. If you beg to differ and want to start a war with me? Leave my blog please.) He’s a very good MC, newscaster, actor. He’s honest in those things that he cannot do and he doesn’t take offense when people laughed about his weakness. In other words, Sho Sakurai is an amazing guy, and he is the kind of guy that I like to have in my life.

For some reasons, He’s the guy or his traits are the things that I look up to guys, but am disappointed when I don’t see those traits to the person that I like. I am aware that there people are not the same, they don’t carry the same DNA as the other person. But I can’t help looking those traits. It’s like Sho Sakurai standards are high. Physical appearance wise, I like looking at the guy’s eyes and I am fond of those small somewhat chinky eyes. Not really like those almost close eyes, well, Sho’s eyes somewhat close to that. I like that a guy’s taller than me, knows how to dance, can slightly sing, doesn’t need to be so good. Fashion wise, … Uhm, that’s optional. I’m not really a fashionista so being able to coordinate the guy’s clothes is enough.

Am I sounding like an obsessive stalker? If I do, please tell me. I don’t want to look ugly, I still want to keep my baby faced look. (Though the amount of time that I allot for sleeping is really not enough, I can still keep my look for a little while before it goes ;))

He’s my ideal man, the perfect guy for me. He does have flaws and that’s what makes him human/ordinary to me.

Sho Sakurai of my life come out wherever you are hiding! I need you! T_T

There are a lot of Fangirl problems but falling for your bias is the top fangirl problems, fangirls face. I am in the statistics *sobs*

Sho Sakurai is just dreamy… and I could go on and on talking about him, but that’s not in the schedule. he-he..

I do wish that me and Sho or the Arashi to meet one day. Like coincidental or something… *squeals* There goes my imagination again hahaha! Well, time to face the music 😉

-Rain

Future

It’s been a while since I thought about my future. It was not really that long ago to be honest. I just can’t stop thinking about what my future would be. I feel frustrated whenever I think about my future. Because even before I went to college, I am still undecided of what course should I take for my future job or future business. As I went on for my college degree, I find it in myself that I like the things The university was teaching me. But when I stopped going to school because the miscellaneous fees are too difficult to keep up with, I was faced in another dilemma. Which was asking myself if this is really the course that I would like to take? There is a lot of choices that I can pick on. I want to be a hotelier, I want to be a linguist, I want to be a writer, I want to be a flight attendant, a tour guide, an events organizer, a host, a cafe owner, a dancer, a singer, a director. The list is endless! I want to be all of them, but I don’t know which course really suits me best. I want to find that one thing that I really want to do. That I would love to do. That I would do the work passionately, that I would do whatever it takes to finish my task. I am envious of people who knows what they want to be, while I am stuck not knowing what to do with my life. The future holds a lot of mysterious things. That is why we are always living in the present and sometimes the past because we do not know what kind of future awaits for us. I wish there was a time machine that can lead us towards the future. Towards the future that we chose to live in. For every decision alters the future that we are suppose to have. If for example I became a cafe owner, will my business rise and be successful or will it fall and close after a few months? For every decision a person makes, the future changes. Life is such a mysterious thing. You get to meet different kinds of people, from various walks of life, they either impart words of wisdom to you or you learn something from them that makes you wiser, that makes you aware that there are certain people like them in our world. Hmm, best to keep some emotions to myself. Haha. Anyway, my rant about my future is frustrating the hell out of me and I need to put that somewhere before I explode and my brain goes hallucinating. In short, before I go cray cray. Well that’s it for now. -Rain

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