Overly Romantic?

Okay, I have a tiny problem regarding myself. What is that supposed to mean? Hmm let’s see, I like reading romance novels since my mom told me I should read a lot more things rather than just being a sitting pretty duck or whatsoever. I did start reading Reader’s Digest when I was about thirteen years old and along with that came the urge to write something that has my mind in a frenzy because this idea just can’t get out of my head. (I think my writing phase started when I was eleven or twelve, but I just really realized I like writing at thirteen. Go figure.)

Then my best friend introduced me into reading Filipino/Tagalog romance pocketbooks. I got addicted to it (mostly romance-comedy) and one thing led to another when I turned fifteen years old I had read some sexy pocketbooks that doesn’t, at times, makes sense to me. I think from then on, I became a what you call a hopeless romantic. I view every guy as my “the one” and when I know them truly I kind of either put them on the friends only category, wanker (stay away) category and Boyfriend material. I think none of them suit my husband category, but with my “obsession” with Arashi’s acting leader and rapper Sakurai Sho, I think someone needs to be in his level for me to actually consider the guy in a forever kind of way.

I’m not as religious as I was before, but it was drilled to me that if I want a guy to be able to marry with, a good guy who wouldn’t even dare to hurt a single hair on my head, who would respect me, and provide for our family, a responsible guy, I should pray for that person to be given to me. I asked Him to maybe at least introduce him to me, hint that he’s the one I’ve been waiting for or a sign, something. I don’t want to get married soon, I’m just hitting my twenties this year, but I’d like to experience what others have.

I’m not really lacking in the love category but I there’s something missing. I don’t know what that is but yeah, I feel something missing inside me like a void or something. Intimacy? Well, if I try to be you know handsy with my mom (not like what you guys thinking, algae minds) hugging, cuddling, that sort of thing, I kind of get rebuffed or rejected. I feel rejected enough outside the place I call home, and there are times that my mom would shrug off the things I do for her, stings but I don’t let it show.

Then this guy comes, I met him online and I liked him because aside from being able to finish each others sentences off, he makes me feel good about myself. Sadly, that relationship ended four months after I caught him red handed about doing stuff with other girls. Through online.

I stayed out of the relationship scene for a year. Exactly a year. Before I consider some guys that were making themselves clear that they like me. Most of them comes from the internet sure, 9 out of 10 would be wankers (perverts) but there’s one out those that is not like that. Take this guy I’m talking to for almost three weeks now. 3 weeks straight, we have been talking a lot of things from the most mundane things, the things we both know, our likes and dislikes, to the most out of this world questions, basically knowing each other well.

He’s a great guy, a gentleman ,respects and treats a woman nicely, the non-positive comment that I could think about this guy is that he’s too far away. Well, if you consider Minnesota and Manila’s distance, I would probably say yes, its a heck too far. Its like he was the kind of guy I asked for in my prayers. But I’m not sure he’s on the same page. He keeps asking about the online relationship stuff, and I know he’s interested in something or maybe he’s just asking those out of curiosity if my logical side thinks so. Not sure.

But here I am, feeling conflicted and confused, befuddled, and scared for assuming there’s something that will be there that really isn’t there. If that made sense. If not, I’m just scared to get my heart broken for the second time. I think I’ve only loved someone for real was my first love and it broke me when it happened. (Don’t ask for details, its kind of humiliating) Am I being overly romanticizing things that shouldn’t be seen that way? Am I really that naive? Gullible? Should I worry about myself or just continue being like this?

I’m tired of not knowing what to do with myself or with my life anymore.

 

Trying to create a website

So last year, I decided I want to make my own website and I want to design it with my own touch like maybe black and red my signature colors and add a bit of fangirl-ish touch to it and make myself content with what my site would look like. So here I am, introducing you guys to my fail experience of finding a web that host free create your own websites.

First, I visited wix.com and immediately closed the window.

Second, another website that offers free create your own websites let me down because for one I really thought that you can create your own website with free domain name without the web host attached to it.

Big disappointment really.

Third, Google Ads I think… The picture that you see above is where I went and I was already thinking what is the best thing that I could actually sell that is within my resource and all that kind of stuff, well after double thinking about my books (which I decided that they got to stay with me) I thought about the clothes that was sent to us by our relatives from California.

But I stop to think again, “Would people actually buy things that are second hand? Probably not their size and some other thing?” If you guys think so, please leave a comment below.

So after every fail attempt, I stop and think again and again. “Hey, Rayne? Please be contented to WordPress. You’ve been to multiply before it was a marketplace, you’ve been in Livejournal for as long as you can remember but you didn’t stay there very long because you are not online every single day because you don’t own a laptop nor a netbook. So please, for the love of all holy, be with WordPress for as long as you shall live.”

Quite the conversation with myself, I know. But after a lot of thinking, I say why not?

I’ve never been happy with all the people reading something I wrote about and even if it’s all about my rantings and ramblings about nothing, I feel delighted that there’s someone out there, even though they thought my works are probably horrendous to some extent. I’m just glad to be able to write.

And so, I’m happy coming around here in WordPress and stay put. 😉

-Rayne

PS. The red circle  with the 715 is yeah, as you can all see, my birthday. Lucky that my phone number can be easily remembered and my birthday XD.

Miss Universe 2015: Epic Coronation Night

This post is the only thing popping out everywhere I look in my Facebook account, Twitter, and… well just those two. Miss Universe 2015 epic coronation night, How Steve Harvey mistakenly announced that Miss Universe Columbia won the pageant.

I would like to say, Live shows make people nervous. I can hear Miss Universe Philippines’ voice quiver when answering, It is nerve wreaking to answer question in front of a lot of people watching you, and has high expectations with your answer. So, with the case of Steve Harvey committing a mistake announcing the wrong candidate, It is a human error, people, crowd, NO NEED TO BASH HIM.

Honestly, I feel bad for the host. Because, Let’s face it, if it was a intentional mistake, he would not come back on that stage, apologize and make things right. Steve did the right thing. He did the commendable thing making things right. I am a Filipina. From the country made up of thousands of islands, The Philippines. (Please make sure when you spell our country, it is the right spelling. Lots of us gets mad.)

I accept Steve’s apology because, let’s face it people, we do it, too. Say the things that are not the written facts even though it is already written plainly, in layman’s term, in front of us. We are humans. Nobody is perfect. I feel sorry for Miss Columbia for facing such embarrassment in front of a crowd all over the world. I feel sorry for Miss Universe Philippines for not having her rightful airtime when she was crowned as the Miss Universe 2015. Both parties felt less of what they deserve, and I hope people would stop making things a lot more difficult than it already is.

I saw the negative comments about Miss Columbia, the bashers and a whole lot more in just a span of a day. There was a post saying Ines posted a picture of Miss Columbia with her back turned to the camera and on the background was Miss Philippines and the picture depicts that: Columbia will have a back-to-back win on the pageant with her beauty and her charisma.

I may not be a die hard fan of beauty pageants but I would like to congratulate everyone who won and entered the pageant and want to share what they are willing to give to the world. Congratulations to Miss Universe 2015 Philippines Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach.

May the force be with you…

-Rayne

Closure

Please do not make me cry,

Because it is hard to try,

To stop these tears falling by,

While looking up the winter sky.

~

There were happy memories,

We shared beautiful melodies,

Told life secrecies,

That changed our life histories.

~

Did everything for you and asked nothing back,

You always told me to cut you some slack,

That is why I didn’t react,

When I caught you in the act.

~

I thought the situation will drive me mad,

But no, surprisingly it just made me sad,

I’ve never thought someone could be that bad,

Letting you go was the best choice I ever had.

(December 6, 2015)

By: Rayne Sumner

Crowd funding

Earlier this year, I talked to one of my former colleague and told her about my problems about needing my own computer for school use and/or research whenever I am writing my stories (and some place safe where I could file them and not have a problem with taking up too much space on the computer). And so, she told me all about this crowd funding thing that’s milling around tumblr. The first place she told me about was, Kickstarter. Which was only available to some parts of the world.

The next one was, Indiegogo. She asked me if I know how to draw, sadly I don’t draw. I doodle maybe, but all of my drawings are really kid like, I am not very artsy… Then she told me not to worry that there is a fundraiser campaign to help people in need, through online. I nodded my head and filed that information for later use, if needed.

Surprisingly, the information given to me is really needed. Just this week, our netbook was still running smoothly, then three (?) days ago when my mom decided to take the netbook wireless, (it was charging) the machine died all of the sudden. She kind of tried it again and the same thing happened. Now, all you can see from the battery status at the task bar is this message: 0% Available (Plugged in, not charging)

Which leads me to this post of the day. (Although I’ve been meaning to compose this thing for days) I have made a fundraising project to help me raise just enough money to buy a laptop that I can actually use and not being told to get off because someone else is going to use it. Bring it to school if I need some school work done, paperwork, or a group activity report and we need a laptop for our power point presentations.

Writing is my most important means of communication. I’ll admit, I am an introvert. I usually spend more hours inside the house than go out, explore the world and talk some stranger’s ears off and socialize. I have to admit though, when I was still a kid I clearly remember being an extrovert and now, I am always inside the house, writing, being awkward talking to strangers when needed, putting on a bravado out when I have to deal with something important… I would rather talk to someone thru text message or chat, but I don’t really think I could handle… well I don’t really know!

I could be an ambivert for all I know. *shrugs*

Please visit the link that I’ve placed on the “fundraising” word. Give me your thoughts and/or donation, I would appreciate it very much. It means a lot to me. Thank you.

-Rayne

Frustrated Days

If one day wasn’t enough, I don’t think I can bear anymore of having to stress about my school schedule and my shitty university. Yesterday, I had a run in with my dad. We are not really close… Okay, we are more of an acquaintance rather than having a Parent-Child connection. So yeah, that defines our level of closeness.

Most of you can probably tell, “Rayne, you don’t sound like you care about your father?”That’s because I really don’t at some extent. If you were in my shoes I know you’d feel like a robot once you faced my father. Because I totally did when I ran into him last night. My brain went to a half shut down mode when he approached me. I don’t feel anything to actually make me think I missed him. Which is disturbing to some people I suppose.

“But he’s your father!” Some of you might react. Technically, he is more of a sperm donor than being my father. I remember times when I was still a kid, I never really felt–I don’t know, something to him. It’s all crazy I know but I can’t even look at him in the face when we’re talking. Even when I was still a kid, I felt uncomfortable talking to him or looking at him in the eye or face. Growing up, the words: Stalker, Irresponsible, Stupid, Violent, and a whole lot more were the adjectives used to describe my father.

I tried to find it in my heart to forgive him to what he’s done to us, but I just can’t. *sigh My mom doesn’t want to go back to him I know that for a fact, but for him to ask that to me. To make me ask my mom is kind of a pointless situation. And this night confirmed my thoughts. I told my mom what happened and she told me that no, she wouldn’t get back nor talk to him anymore.

Frustrating day number two: AKA today

I went to school a grim 15 minutes late because of traffic and because I don’t have a 2×2 photo of me at the ready, I have to go and visit a net cafe that offers photo printing for ID pictures (not necessarily for an ID i think you get my point). And then come after lunch break, I need to wait for the professor that I need to talk to finish his meeting with his class before I got to actually talk to him in a few short sentences. Nice right?

Then, I have to one subject because I was stuck at my school’s registrar’s office to change my class schedule, which was pointless because I can’t do that anymore. Well, it just shows how fucked up our school’s system is. After stressing about my class schedule, I have another to stress about… My homework for tomorrow’s class.

Good god! Is there an end in all of my problems regarding school? My Front Office Certificate is gone. So is my Housekeeping certificate.I feel like crying and fucking give up this course because my mother invested a lot already in this course. She wants me to finish this, but I don’t really think I can!

So, now you see how problematic my life is, anyone who wants to help me solve it? or at least give me your life, let’s exchange 😛

-Rayne

Funny day

Okay after a long second week of going to class it is another vacation week for the upcoming APEC Summit. Finally classes for today is over and while me and my mom have plans later today I have to run home because I forgot one vital document for our trip.

As I rode the vehicle taking me from point A to point B, inside the vehicle there were a couple fighting and spouting things in english. I can’t help myself to listen to their conversation because it was entertaining.  The guy was pissed and so was the girl they were fighting over something. I kept hearing the guy was just asking for the girl’s time even for a few minutes to just talk. But the girl refuses to and so they kept on talking about it for a few more minutes, with a lot of colorful F-bombs thrown in once or twice.

They kept on arguing until they had to go. But he was trying his hardest to make amends with the girl, but said girl is stubborn even though the guy was very considerate of the girl’s issue. In the end, girl was left alone.

There were so many times that I actually wished I had a boyfriend. But witnessing this events right before my very eyes, I kind of thanked the person above for not giving me my man yet. I find it amusing watching them argue. The couple I mean. But when it is you on the other side of the situation, I doubt I’d find it amusing.

Pissed off or sad or annoyed may be the emotions that I could associate with regard to the argument but not amusing.

I am busy enough with all my school stuff happening, I wouldn’t want to add boys in my stress level problems.

-Rain

Fangirl Problems

If you think being a fangirl is easy, think again. It looks like an easy thing because of what you see as the product in those concerts, news, but that’s not the real struggle. Real struggles of a fangirl happens before the event, before they are seen by thousands–if not millions–of fans around the world.

Being a fan of Arashi for a long time, it’s been a frustrating treat for me. Why is that? Because Arashi lives a country away from me, because they speak in a language that I am not that very familiar, and being one of the “poor” fans, I simply watch their concerts, live appearances on TV, their game show, and a whole a lot more in either YouTube or somewhere else, with English subtitles so that I could understand what they are talking about.

Other frustrating things that comes to mind is that your bias is someone else’s bias! Since they are known in other parts of the world, of course other fan will likely to grab, let’s say for example, Matsumoto Jun other than you. It’s frustrating like that.

I’ll confess something too, I think I’m in love with the group’s rapper Sakurai Sho. But of course, another person will say that too. It’s a never ending competition, the only winner will be the person Sakurai Sho himself chose. Which will be heartbreaking for us who likes Sho. He’ll be ending the bachelorhood and we will only look at him from the stage and not think about his marital status anymore because he is off the shelf.

You might think, Sho Sakurai is years older than me. Yes, he is. Actually he is 14 years older than me. Sad right? If I could wait any longer for his kid to grow then I’ll settle for that but I must be years older than him too. Sometime you want to scream that this world is very unfair. Because it is unfair 😦

(What’s with the name change? Sho is a given name, Sakurai is the family name/last name. Japanese, Chinese and Korean’s use the family name first before the given name. I am only aware of those three countries I am not sure for the other countries)

Sho is a hilarious guy, he writes good rap songs/lyrics (and when you talk about rap, Sho is the guy that you need to hear rap. No one else. Other than him, it’s just crap. No offense people, it’s just my opinion. If you beg to differ and want to start a war with me? Leave my blog please.) He’s a very good MC, newscaster, actor. He’s honest in those things that he cannot do and he doesn’t take offense when people laughed about his weakness. In other words, Sho Sakurai is an amazing guy, and he is the kind of guy that I like to have in my life.

For some reasons, He’s the guy or his traits are the things that I look up to guys, but am disappointed when I don’t see those traits to the person that I like. I am aware that there people are not the same, they don’t carry the same DNA as the other person. But I can’t help looking those traits. It’s like Sho Sakurai standards are high. Physical appearance wise, I like looking at the guy’s eyes and I am fond of those small somewhat chinky eyes. Not really like those almost close eyes, well, Sho’s eyes somewhat close to that. I like that a guy’s taller than me, knows how to dance, can slightly sing, doesn’t need to be so good. Fashion wise, … Uhm, that’s optional. I’m not really a fashionista so being able to coordinate the guy’s clothes is enough.

Am I sounding like an obsessive stalker? If I do, please tell me. I don’t want to look ugly, I still want to keep my baby faced look. (Though the amount of time that I allot for sleeping is really not enough, I can still keep my look for a little while before it goes ;))

He’s my ideal man, the perfect guy for me. He does have flaws and that’s what makes him human/ordinary to me.

Sho Sakurai of my life come out wherever you are hiding! I need you! T_T

There are a lot of Fangirl problems but falling for your bias is the top fangirl problems, fangirls face. I am in the statistics *sobs*

Sho Sakurai is just dreamy… and I could go on and on talking about him, but that’s not in the schedule. he-he..

I do wish that me and Sho or the Arashi to meet one day. Like coincidental or something… *squeals* There goes my imagination again hahaha! Well, time to face the music 😉

-Rain

Chat Room Websites: virtual socializing or live porn sites?

I’ve been introduced to the virtual world since yahoo messenger and MSN  live messenger was still popular. Mom always told me to stay away from those sites especially going in chat rooms. I wasn’t aware why my mom told me to stay away, but I did anyway.

I only realized what those warnings are for when I reached 18 and was allowed to visit one chat site and revealed the mysterious warning.

Most people use the internet for social media, video streaming, emails, and a whole lot of stuff. But if you are familiar with chat rooms you would know that some people use it as a mean to find sex buddies.

The use of chat rooms are for meeting new people or finding dates, but dates doesn’t mean you should consider the person there being a free type of hooker, one that would let you fulfill your needs for free. There are sites that does that though, and guys (cause most of the offenders are male) should just go there.

I’ve been in the industry of Chat rooms for a year and some weeks now, and believe me when I say, those offenders are getting on my nerves and it’s getting old. What did they do that is offensive?

Well, my experiences ranged from: perverts, guys asking girls to strip on cam, guys wanking on cam, showing their genitalia, girls showing their genitalia (which is so rare but it did happen, believe me), fake gentlemen (they would treat you with respect but would flirt with you to the point that they’d like to see you naked) and most of all, Pedophiles.

Now, I don’t know whether these people are playing dumb or they are plain stupid. Because first of all, they are doing those kind of stuff in front of thousands, if not millions, of people who have access to their web camera once they open the camera in a room full of people coming from around the world, second of all, There’s an adult section where they can do those kinds of exhibitionism and not be thrown out/kicked out/sacked/bounced out of the group,

Third of all, who in their right mind would put the picture of their own dicks (excuse my language) on their profile? Is that the new generation of humans now? Looking like a genitalia who has face, hands and legs? That would be the first time that I would have heard about it, humans are now mutating into looking like genitalia. I’d rather stick with what I look like now though, than look like a walking genitalia.

Fourth of all, there are porn sites that they could visit and wank at, but why in the world would they want to do it in front of other people? It’s not like everyone wants to see them doing that, no? In fact as I am typing this I kicked one offensive person because his webcam was directed to his genitalia. Yes, a guy.

As I recall, chat rooms are made for people from different parts of the world for them to talk, socialize, be friends, if lucky enough, find someone that they could be their better half. So, I don’t really understand why they have to establish something that could be taken to their own  personal matters in their own hands rather than, ugh!

(Sorry if it looked like I’m rambling, it’s really frustrating sometimes that you want to hit someone because you are mentally scarred or something.)

I know for every Chat sites there are administrator that keeps their members straight but I hope that they are stricter with implementing the rules and keeping an eye on the members profiles always if there are any discrepancies that needs to be reported to someone that has a higher position. I just hope that guys keep their genitals to themselves and not parade it for the whole world to see. Do they want the title, “Dicking around for the whole world to see” sticking right next to their names and be known as that? Or that the whole world to know that their country is like that and they’d generalize that everyone person is like that person who does that?

I know most of you don’t want to have that reputation hanging right next to your country’s name, right? So at least give yourself or for your country’s  sake some respect, okay?

-Rain